Insecurity

I was once asked "What is the opposite of faith?" The questioner wanted to test me; the 'correct' answer is "certainty." But for me, the opposite is insecurity. Each time something has happened to me that I felt inadequate, unsure or inferior, it was a blow to my faith in myself and my maker. My secretary on Team 16 had a little cartoon from Postal Instant Press of a little black girl. The caption read, "God made me and God don't make trash." I took that cartoon to heart. Lack of self-esteem equates to lack of faith. I must have faith that God made me and he did not make trash. I am valued and valuable.

The prisoners I visited on Friday seemed to read my insecurity. Jim frequently says, "we get as much out of these visits as the inmates do." This visit I got quite a bit. I was overwhelmed by their desire to get me confident so I could do the out-of-prison half of prison ministry. By joining with them, I join their cause. Politically, to work to humanize and make rational the bureaucracy under which they live. Socially, to locate and prepare a place for them, not just an apartment, but a job, opportunity. Spiritually, to create a place of refuge and regeneration for them, which may include a church but definitely includes a community of friends trained to continue the Cephas content, including pricking inflated egos and denying rationalizations and excuses.

I don't feel up to the challenge, and they sensed that. So the session dealt with that. But where do they need support and guidance where they are? If I am going to be present for them, don't I have to focus on them, not me? Don't they?