Sitting with Scripture

I send out a 25 word prayer every Monday for church secretaries to use for the bulletin each prepares for Sunday. Today, I sat with the Gospel in which Jesus says not to divorce (Mark 10:11). I sat with that reading for quite a while. My discussion group had just this week discussed the progress of the Episcopal Church's attitude and canons toward divorce over the last 100 years.* In my own nuclear family, my baby sister is twice divorced (his infidelity for #1 and his drug use for #2) and my brother just told us that his wife of 35 years divorced him and he did not contest it. Divorce is, for me, a painful subject, as it marks the end of a blessing, officially recognizes a failure.

What can I say? Jesus says not to divorce. It is clear and concise. And yet I work with men who are abusive and who have been and should be removed from their wives' lives. I deal with men who are not recovering from their addictions; to me they seem incapable of being of one flesh with anyone else. Yet my church says they must be bound into one flesh with their wives for all of life. (Not all of these men of whom I speak are in prison.) Was Jesus wrong? How can I, a mere individual decide what is right? Why did the church's attitude toward divorce evolve with no big hullabaloo? How am I expected to behave towards these men? How does what I know about them inform my opinions about divorce? How would I preach on October 4?

I finally grew as I sat with this scripture to understand that I am not called to decide. After all, what difference does my opinion make when it comes to talking to the men about their own behaviors, their addictions, their own excuse making? Aren't I getting distracted from ministering to them by making judgments? Yesterday's Gospel was "If thy foot causes thee to stumble, cut it off ...better to enter heaven lame than go to hell."

My prayer was for the perpetrators as well as victims of domestic violence. I was able to write a prayer without judging. But it took a lot of work. And I have not decided whether to grasp the tiger's tail or to wuss out and preach about "Let the little children come unto me. (Mark 10:14). I guess I'll have to sit with that reading some more.




*(according to my memory of Episcopal Church USA history)Prior to 1808, followed the English Church Law; 1808 no remarriage after a divorce; 1877 exception for the 'innocent party' if divorce is for adultery or for any reason after the death of the divorced spouse; 1904 added civil annulment ; 1931 allowed bishops to make annulments; 1973 allowed remarriage after any divorce at the discretion of the priest with permission of the bishop. As recently as 1975, priests who got divorced were asked to leave parochial ministry.

ministry or mission?

I was challenged last week by an acquaintance who asked me how I was carrying the Word to those in prison. I was not very eloquent, stumbling as I tried to explain that I am moved to offer a presence, reflective listening and comradeship to those in prison; to talk about how the Spirit is working in my life to bring me to them as a friend, not as a preacher or prophet. I must have sounded judgmental as I replied, because he became dismissive of my reasons and efficacy.

It hurt, as I am still struggling with my own self-esteem issues. Jim wisely has reminded me that it is instructive and inspirational to allow the inmates to watch and participate in my journey, as long as the group sessions do not become therapy for me instead of them. We are trying to teach, show and model behavior so that they can leave the behaviors and attitudes and habits of thought that got them here and pick up less destructive and hurtful ways for use when they are released.

But am I also supposed to bring them to Christ? Am I different from the chaplain who sits with the sick and dying to bring God's comfort to them? No one has ever called me to task for not trying to convert souls in the hospital. No one challenges the "Doctors Without Borders" staff to count the souls they have saved. Why is the prison minister expected to do more? Be different?

I read C.S.Lewis' Mere Christianity again this weekend. He was a great explainer, avoiding the pitfalls of instruction and instead having a beneficial conversation. His opinions are strong, leaning far left at times, far right at others, but very persuasive. I am glad I referred the men to the first chapter, in which he talks about innate knowledge of right and wrong. (Later, he claims that innate knowledge is the only proof we have of God's existence.) But that awareness of right and wrong echoes throughout my relationship with the inmates. We joke that a lot of what got them into trouble, "seemed like a good idea at the time." But they all agree that a sane person (and there are some sociopaths in the general population) really does know right from wrong. It is the problem of painting oneself into a corner so that all the choices that seem available are wrong that they wrestle with. Or loss of self control. The prison system offers them anger management and Alcohol and Addiction therapy. That is part of the correctional process, I think. We seem to be alone in discussing choices and the habit of doing right. On a par, as equals in the discussion. It sometimes seems like the 'victim of circumstances' argument versus the 'sinners seeking redemption' that echoes through all of Lewis' work.

I pray "Holy Spirit, may the words from my mouth and the thoughts from my heart be acceptable to you. (GWT©)" And then I add, "and when they aren't please help me."