ministry or mission?

I was challenged last week by an acquaintance who asked me how I was carrying the Word to those in prison. I was not very eloquent, stumbling as I tried to explain that I am moved to offer a presence, reflective listening and comradeship to those in prison; to talk about how the Spirit is working in my life to bring me to them as a friend, not as a preacher or prophet. I must have sounded judgmental as I replied, because he became dismissive of my reasons and efficacy.

It hurt, as I am still struggling with my own self-esteem issues. Jim wisely has reminded me that it is instructive and inspirational to allow the inmates to watch and participate in my journey, as long as the group sessions do not become therapy for me instead of them. We are trying to teach, show and model behavior so that they can leave the behaviors and attitudes and habits of thought that got them here and pick up less destructive and hurtful ways for use when they are released.

But am I also supposed to bring them to Christ? Am I different from the chaplain who sits with the sick and dying to bring God's comfort to them? No one has ever called me to task for not trying to convert souls in the hospital. No one challenges the "Doctors Without Borders" staff to count the souls they have saved. Why is the prison minister expected to do more? Be different?

I read C.S.Lewis' Mere Christianity again this weekend. He was a great explainer, avoiding the pitfalls of instruction and instead having a beneficial conversation. His opinions are strong, leaning far left at times, far right at others, but very persuasive. I am glad I referred the men to the first chapter, in which he talks about innate knowledge of right and wrong. (Later, he claims that innate knowledge is the only proof we have of God's existence.) But that awareness of right and wrong echoes throughout my relationship with the inmates. We joke that a lot of what got them into trouble, "seemed like a good idea at the time." But they all agree that a sane person (and there are some sociopaths in the general population) really does know right from wrong. It is the problem of painting oneself into a corner so that all the choices that seem available are wrong that they wrestle with. Or loss of self control. The prison system offers them anger management and Alcohol and Addiction therapy. That is part of the correctional process, I think. We seem to be alone in discussing choices and the habit of doing right. On a par, as equals in the discussion. It sometimes seems like the 'victim of circumstances' argument versus the 'sinners seeking redemption' that echoes through all of Lewis' work.

I pray "Holy Spirit, may the words from my mouth and the thoughts from my heart be acceptable to you. (GWT©)" And then I add, "and when they aren't please help me."