Sitting with Scripture

I send out a 25 word prayer every Monday for church secretaries to use for the bulletin each prepares for Sunday. Today, I sat with the Gospel in which Jesus says not to divorce (Mark 10:11). I sat with that reading for quite a while. My discussion group had just this week discussed the progress of the Episcopal Church's attitude and canons toward divorce over the last 100 years.* In my own nuclear family, my baby sister is twice divorced (his infidelity for #1 and his drug use for #2) and my brother just told us that his wife of 35 years divorced him and he did not contest it. Divorce is, for me, a painful subject, as it marks the end of a blessing, officially recognizes a failure.

What can I say? Jesus says not to divorce. It is clear and concise. And yet I work with men who are abusive and who have been and should be removed from their wives' lives. I deal with men who are not recovering from their addictions; to me they seem incapable of being of one flesh with anyone else. Yet my church says they must be bound into one flesh with their wives for all of life. (Not all of these men of whom I speak are in prison.) Was Jesus wrong? How can I, a mere individual decide what is right? Why did the church's attitude toward divorce evolve with no big hullabaloo? How am I expected to behave towards these men? How does what I know about them inform my opinions about divorce? How would I preach on October 4?

I finally grew as I sat with this scripture to understand that I am not called to decide. After all, what difference does my opinion make when it comes to talking to the men about their own behaviors, their addictions, their own excuse making? Aren't I getting distracted from ministering to them by making judgments? Yesterday's Gospel was "If thy foot causes thee to stumble, cut it off ...better to enter heaven lame than go to hell."

My prayer was for the perpetrators as well as victims of domestic violence. I was able to write a prayer without judging. But it took a lot of work. And I have not decided whether to grasp the tiger's tail or to wuss out and preach about "Let the little children come unto me. (Mark 10:14). I guess I'll have to sit with that reading some more.




*(according to my memory of Episcopal Church USA history)Prior to 1808, followed the English Church Law; 1808 no remarriage after a divorce; 1877 exception for the 'innocent party' if divorce is for adultery or for any reason after the death of the divorced spouse; 1904 added civil annulment ; 1931 allowed bishops to make annulments; 1973 allowed remarriage after any divorce at the discretion of the priest with permission of the bishop. As recently as 1975, priests who got divorced were asked to leave parochial ministry.