Pitfalls

Jim started the discussion today by asking what a soon-to-be-paroled inmate was doing to keep from re offending or getting a violation. "I am just following my plan," he said. He has laid out his plan: AA, NA, avoiding friends and family who are using, obeying the rules and "just plodding ahead." Jim said that was a 'pat' answer. Somehow, we moved into what upsets us, and he mentioned his son. The conversation moved from the inmate to Jim. The group used all of our tools to help him go through the steps to analyze why he continued to enable his son's immaturity. (I won't go into details except that he had mentioned to me that his son got a parking ticket while driving Jim's car.) We talked at length with him, and he even got a little uncomfortable, which he has told me is a sign of new territory. One of the things Jim said was that he knows where his pitfalls are, but with his son, he steps into them anyway. That resonated with me. I suppose Jim and I are not alone; we all mostly know where our pitfalls are. At any rate, Jim got some good advice from one of the men, to decide within himself to give his son the financial help he asks for BEFORE he asks. Then it is a gift, and the anger, guilt and resentment don't attach. (Good advice, but hard to execute.) We eventually got back to the inmate in question, but he stayed with his stolid answers. In all, it was a solid meeting.

We look forward to the return of "Doc" who is in cubicle detention, leaving only for meals and worship for taking a swing at a dorm-mate's lamp which was keeping him awake. He could have gone to the box, but since he had been provoked, and since he hit the lamp, not the offensive inmate, he stayed out. We also hope to see another man who had to take an ACT course, which prevents him from coming to our group.

Outside in the yard, there is a beautiful perfectly formed conical maple tree. As we talked, I could see a group of 5 men gather under the tree, talking animatedly. It was an idyllic summer scene, save for the razor wire I was looking through. After the meeting I said as much to one of the men. He looked at me and said, "After a while, you stop seeing the razor wire and start seeing the summer."